So even though I am hiding behind a computer, I am strangely nervous about this first post. But this is the reason I need to do this. I need to stop worrying, become less anxious and develop confidence in my actions. All easier said than done.
I am worried. I am worried about what people will think, that I will ‘lose’ friends and become a laughing stock. I don’t want this blog to be a cliché! Why can’t I think that there might be some people who like my posts and can relate to me!
But here I am and I am going to give this a go..
Life for me changed drastically after I had my second daughter (M) nearly 4 years ago. I found life with two young girls very difficult and a shock to the system.
M didn’t sleep, cried a lot, breastfed every hour. L, my then 2 year old, was an angel and coped really well with newly-busy Mum, but she did decide to start potty training and get chicken pox when M was only 6 weeks old. That was a hard couple of weeks. The summer M was born, it rained..a lot..and I didn’t have a double buggy (big mistake). I was tired, run down, fat and miserable and couldn’t see a way out..
I have never officially been diagnosed with Post-Natal Depression, but I had ‘something’ and the effects of that ‘something’ have stayed. I am anxious, under-confident, worry about everything and everyone and I procrastinate. I can’t seem to put into action the things I want to do and say. I have had a little bit of counselling, and last year I finally decided to take the dreaded ‘meds’ after I had a particularly bad panic attack at a friend’s house.
Medication changed my life
The fog lifted. I started laughing more. My relationship with my husband improved. I hugged my girls more and enjoyed their company. And I started wanting to do ‘things’.
So this blog is one of the ‘things’ I want to do. My hopes and dreams for this blog are small. Baby steps. I would just like a few people to read it and not think it rubbish, and then I’ll take it from there..
Oh..and chocolate you ask? Well chocolate has always been there, from my school days when I would munch away on Yorkie bars in the corner of the sixth form common room, to now, where I have a serious Nutella addiction..
(which involves teaspoons and no sharing!)
Thank you for reading xx