*Warning* Long-ish Post – it has a point at the end I promise!
On Friday afternoon I removed a finished laundry load from the machine. It was a fairly ‘vital’ load, containing many pairs of pants, a Stagecoach Theatre t-shirt needed for the weekend, tights for school..those sorts of things.
I placed Said Load in the living room, ready to hang out to dry. I didn’t get round to it and then had to go out. I decided at that point to conduct a risky experiment. I placed Said Load by the TV and Playstation 4…….and waited…
Friday 15th Jan, 9.15pm: I return from yoga. There is activity on the Playstation 4. Said Load remains on floor underneath console and a pair of size 11 male feet hover nearby…
11.00pm: I go to bed. 6ft male remains in front of Playstation 4. Said Load remains untouched underneath console.
Saturday 16th January, 8.00am: I come downstairs. Said Load looks lonely and neglected. It is the ONLY thing in the lounge which hasn’t been rifled with, or disturbed in some way, by the children who have been playing ‘picnics’ for an hour. Rest of lounge looks like a bomb has hit. I wonder if I have a secret power and am the only person who can see it…
10.30am: Return from dropping biggest girl at Stagecoach Theatre (in a different t-shirt as proper one isn’t dry..). Lounge has been tidied by a 6ft male. My shoes have been lined up and I receive a comment about how I should tidy my shoes away more. Said
Sad Load REMAINS in situ under Playstation 4. Everything around it has been tidied.
11.57am: I think I just saw a shirt try and jump out and hang itself up..but I may have been day-dreaming.
12.14pm: The contents are being abused…
7.07pm: Approximately 24 hours since being put in lounge, Said Load is moved to make way for more comfortable gaming position for 6ft Male.
9.00pm: The Washing Load very much enjoys watching Hunger Games: Catching Fire. It is
I am particularly enamoured with Finnick. It I swoons.
10.55pm: I realise that The Experiment may have to be cut short as we have visitors tomorrow. I start to worry about the washing queue that is building. My twitchy eye thing, that happens when I get worried, comes back. I remove myself from the lounge so I can’t see the forlorn basket looking at me with puppy-dog eyes.
Sunday 17th January, 8.00am: I can’t take it any more. It’s back in the washing machine.
If you have made it to the end, well done, and thank you. This experiment was by no means a criticism against my better half, who did many other things that weekend. It was an example of how sometimes, just sometimes, I don’t want to have to be the only one to think about these things. And how I am now able to laugh at such things happening.
Before I started to feel better last year, one of the things that used to cause me a lot of anxiety was thinking about everything that needed to get done in order to get out of the house, receive visitors, get ready for the week etc… If we were going to stay with someone, thinking about everything we needed to pack and then packing those things and inevitably leaving late, would put me on edge. I would be worried we had forgotten something, I would be worried we were late and it would look bad, I would then want to just be back at home. Very often we would arrive at where we were going with me in a bad mood, or being very quiet and stressed. It would take me a good couple of hours to wind down and relax.
Sometimes the mental lists running around my head would exhaust me and put me off wanting to plan anything for fear of the anxiety building up and the pressure this put on my family and our friends when it came to organising any kind of visit or event.
But also, on a daily basis, the mental lists are always there, combining work, school, home etc..and I would just love for some of that thinking to be done for me, to take some of the pressure away.
Being on the medication I am taking has helped me deal with this. It has somehow helped me take the pressure off myself. I have the ability to deal with the mental lists without the anxiety creeping in. I used to get angry with my better half if he didn’t automatically think about doing the chores in the same way I did. Now I can realise that it is just the way we both are and that if I want help with a specific task he will be there; he just won’t always necessarily think about doing it without prompting.
If we are going somewhere, and I forget something, instead of getting anxious about not having it, I am able to focus on the fact we can always borrow/buy/not need whatever it was, while we are away. For some reason, I was unable to think like that in the past.
And I don’t get so worried about the house being a bit messy, or the washing up not being finished. If a school cardigan isn’t washed, it won’t be a crime to not wear one for a day.
I USED to feel like the worst would happen if I missed something off the list. Nowadays I can usually say..what IS the worst that will happen if something is missed off the list? In truth, not much, so what is the point in worrying?