It is only a couple of weeks until the Hopes, Dreams and Chocolate household departs for its Devon holiday.
Mrs Hopes, Dreams and Chocolate is now starting to think
panic about what to pack.
This year I am going to try and put together a bag each for the girls, to *try* and keep them amused for the 5 (more like 50) hour journey, as neither of them sleep in the car any more.
This, in turn, got me thinking about the kind of bag that us Mums could do with to help with such journeys.
So stand by your beds people, here is my definitive guide to what to pack in your ‘Mum’s travelling bag’ (and yes, sorry Dads, this is definitely just for Mums..)
Please note; the only bag that will work for this is the Mary Poppin’s Holdall – (not) available at all good high street retailers.
1. Pre-filled wine glasses – several
2. Sick Bags
3. Percy Pigs – several bags
4. Ejector seat – set to go off and transport you to a Day Spa as soon as the speed of the car reduces to 10mph or the car approaches the A303 at Stonehenge.
5. A She-wee
6. A map of the route detailing all toilets along the way…..that no-one wants to stop at.
7. Towels to mop up accidents that occur approximately 30 seconds after passing the toilets that no-one wanted to stop at.
8. ‘The visitors Guide to Devon’ which inside is actually just a load of pictures of David Gandy wearing nice pants.
9. A tiny pack of Wet-Ones, which you will lose 10 minutes after setting off, but need to use to wipe something disgusting 15 minutes after setting off, so you use your jumper sleeve instead. You then find the packet as you pull up back at home 7 days later…
10. Special headphones that block out certain spoken phrases, and replace with alternatives;
|Actual Spoken Phrase:||Translation Mum hears:|
|Are we nearly there yet?||You are the best mum ever|
|I need the toilet!||I love you mum|
|Can I have a sweet?||I am going to sleep now mum|
|Why did you tell me to drive down this road?||I love you so much. Let me ravish you immediately*|
|Why didn't you tell me the journey would take this long?!||I love you so much. Let me ravish you immediately*|
|When can I have a beer?||I love you so much. Let me ravish you immediately*|
*choice of male voices available: Sean Connery, Henry Cavill, Pierce Brosnan or ‘That Bloke from Poldark’
So there you have it, a very realistic and achievable list to pull together. I hope these suggestions will help you to experience a stress-free and seamless journey to your holiday destination.
Thanks for reading xxx
*Disclaimer* Health and Safety Legislation not consulted in the writing of this post
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